this and that

well, the house is a mess so there will be no peace on monday. i am always striving for a peaceful monday, but i can't ever seem to achieve it. but it's ok. this weekend was filled with yummy carne asada, fresh salsa and lots of family. the tub got scrubbed, actually the whole bathroom is quite sparkling-yes, we only have one functioning bathroom right now-the other one needs a makeover. and while it is more shabby than chic, the pedestal sink and chrome furnishings add that country farmhouse look which brings me so much joy.

now, i've probably mentioned here and there that i have a problem with structure, routines and such. but there is a small part of me that is fussy about certain things and spontaneity is one of them. i guess it comes from having so many kids to think about, that is hard for me to do something when i haven't had it in my mind for at least a day, mulling over this and that, thinking about what needs to be done to achieve a certain desired affect.

my husband, however, likes to live dangerously. so dangerously that he'll invite 2 of his 4 sisters (+6 kids and two husbands) over right in the middle of my planned house cleaning day, expect me to entertain and have a good time, even though every inch of the floor in the living room is covered in little bits of paper from various projects this week, i can't really vacuum properly because one of the kids stepped on the vacuum and broke the part that does the floor and the kitchen is teeming with post-friday night pizza making dishes.

call me crazy, but when people being to arrive and i am still in my morning workout clothes and no make-up and then the house is, well, i told you about the state of the house, i get a little panicky. i was borderline rude and ready to not be a good hostess, that's how bad it was.

but then my boisterous brother-in-law says, "we're family, who cares what the house looks like..." and he really means it and my sister-in-law starts washing dishes so that i can "go take a shower", i asked God to just help me to let go of all of my preconceived ideas about my day. because these are the times that life just happens.

and then as the evening progresses, the stars come out and the stories begin. there are plenty of stories of how we all "met" and "when we fell in love" and then there are nieces and nephews, here there and everywhere, mingling with my own children. and i start to think again about balance and how with patience and humility i can learn to find happiness in all of the situations that happen right smack in the middle of all of my own plans about how i think my life should be. i am certainly not condoning a disordered life, there has to be order to a certain extent because our God is a God of order. but there are going to be times when a little chaos and those interruptions happen, but with grace and ease we can handle them.

so at the end of the evening, all the adults are gone, two nieces and my little godson spend the night. i am sitting on the couch, sewing, Christmas lights still twinkling, little boys jump back-and-forth from the coffee table to the couch, making my stitches uneven. my husband, who is sleeping, receives a call that a co-worker is dying and he probably won't make it through the night. i take the call, but he gets up after. so we talk about life and death, living and dying. he remembers my grandfather and the last words he said to him. we ponder what it means to die a good death and live a good life. and i am reminded, once again, how precious life is. things are not all bad. the dishes can wait. life can't and often doesn't. and who cares about monday anyway. with it will come a whole new set of problems i am sure. and, hey, at least i got to sit and finish this lovely new apron i've been working on...........modeled by my niece by the way, because her waist is much smaller than mine. so off i go to get ready for sunday evening mass, to look for my Lord. after all He's really all i need to face tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that................

inside out braids

this little girl is very dear to me.

her mama was my cousin, my friend.

and every time i look at her face i am reminded of her mother

and how her life was cut short almost two years

ago when she was brutally murdered.

yet another very senseless tragedy,

her death was, for our family,

for these children she left behind.....

there are many shattered,

tattered pieces of broken hearts

left behind.....

and with wounded spirits,

little by little we struggle,

sometimes alone and on this day, together,

to pick up those pieces, trying to make ourselves well again.

trying to make sense out of death and life,

things which we have no power over, yet we still concern ourselves nevertheless.

so the only thing i could come up with is this:

make the effort to fill your days with little acts of great kindness and love.

we cannot control much, but we can control this aspect of ourselves, our lives.

being a mother is hard, there are always so many things to be done,

but we must always pause and take time for the little things.

i can't help but think that when we are gone,

those are the things that will have mattered most.

the day that i was asked by my auntie,

to come and do hair for a very special day,

for a very first piano recital,

i gladly made two inside out braids in the hopes that somehow

that small act would make the day better for both of them and maybe even for me too.

i went home, with my own little daughter in tow, a box full of ribbons on her lap and i thought about how often she is with me, not aloof like the boys kind of are,

always busy with bicycles, rocks and sticks.

and i thought about how this is my legacy to her.

it is the same one that my mother gave to me.

it is a legacy of love and goodness.

the legacy of a Christian life, making good out of evil.

spending the time we are given on this earth doing the will of God,

despite the circumstances which quite often befall us.

some things are consequences of our own choices, others,

simply because they are the will of God.

i once read somewhere that our lives are like the piecing of a quilt.

we sew with what we are given, we don't always have control over

what kind of material we are given.

sometimes the material is less than favorable,

but in the end we can still make something beautiful for God.

so during all of my oh-so-busy days

i will try to remind myself that all of our moments are timeless.

they go with us into to eternity:

every thought, word and deed.

i will try to remind myself that life and each day that we are given is a gift.

the SON is always shining somewhere

and i am so thankful that He came to earth

to share HIS light and

to share with me, with us, HIS legacy of love,

without which,

this life, this world, would be devoid of anything beautiful and good.

and i am thankful that HE has shown me there is

beauty in something as simple as a pair of

inside out braids......